dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
