yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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