All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
