Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I CAN MOONWALK!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this will be a night to untag.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
