Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize