he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
