I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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