I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
