I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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