yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
two words: eviction party
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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