I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize