I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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