i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
