I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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