I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
