Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
