Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
