last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
