around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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