There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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