david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
