I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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