Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
