I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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