I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They have beer where we have blood.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
