saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need moral support for this bender
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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