Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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