I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
