My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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