JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
