dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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