who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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