when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
