did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My ATM looks so different sober.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
