Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
