After last night, I could never be a politician.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my own cervix.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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