Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
