I can't watch pbs sober anymore
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
