i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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