There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
