I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
