I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm both gender and math confused
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
