I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
