"it" just moved
Don't make out with my wife yet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You are the jesus of drinking
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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