the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
