I'm gonna have a badass scar
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
