by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
