can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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