Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
