whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
