Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
