what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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