Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
