about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
