Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
