He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
