I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
