He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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