oh god the rape fog is back!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
