The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
