My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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