It's like God shit irony all over that family
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's never too late to be topless.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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