Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
