I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
