he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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